There are a lot of things you can do wrong on a first date. At the top of that list has got to be pooping your pants.

According to a recent post to the North Dakota page on CraigsList, that happened on one unlucky Lothario's date in Williston:

To the woman who crapped her pants in my car...

We met on Craigslist, so I am hoping you find this. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with the Pepto the next day and the note that said "first dates are always a crap shoot, call me", was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first one I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncles lap. I am lactose intolerant. But love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better... Like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you would like to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,

P.S. If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early.. Touché...

Not entirely sure that posting this to CraigsList was the best move, Tad, but I thank you. This is one of the best things I've ever read.

And, to the girl that pooped her pants...I'm sorry. I hope you never gamble with a fart again.