There are a lot of things you can do wrong on a first date. At the top of that list has got to be pooping your pants.

According to a recent post to the North Dakota page on CraigsList, that happened on one unlucky Lothario's date in Williston:

To the woman who crapped her pants in my car...

We met on Craigslist, so I am hoping you find this. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with the Pepto the next day and the note that said "first dates are always a crap shoot, call me", was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first one I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncles lap. I am lactose intolerant. But love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better... Like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you would like to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early.. Touché...

Not entirely sure that posting this to CraigsList was the best move, Tad, but I thank you. This is one of the best things I've ever read.

And, to the girl that pooped her pants...I'm sorry. I hope you never gamble with a fart again.

[CraigsList]